More Language Humor

Verbal slips can sometimes have very funny results.   We have gathered a collection of memorable quotes over the years.  We came across some of them in the school.  Others have been contributed.


We sincerely hope that none of this material offends anyone in any way.  Languages are complicated and everyone makes the occasional mistake.  If the result is humorous, we think it should be enjoyed!


ACTUAL NEWS HEADLINES
Contributor Unknown


  • ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

  • AIR HEAD FIRED

  • AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY -- LET'S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER

  • BAN ON SOLICITING DEAD IN TROTWOOD

  • BRITISH UNION FINDS DWARFS IN SHORT SUPPLY

  • DEAF COLLEGE OPENS DOORS TO HEARING

  • DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON

  • DEATH CAUSES LONELINESS, FEELING OF ISOLATION

  • DEER KILL 17,000

  • FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

  • HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS

  • IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

  • KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

  • LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS

  • LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF

  • LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS

  • MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE

  • MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER

  • NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP

  • NICARAGUA SETS GOAL TO WIPE OUT LITERACY

  • OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI

  • PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

  • REAGAN WINS ON BUDGET, BUT MORE LIES AHEAD

  • SMOKERS ARE PRODUCTIVE, BUT DEATH CUTS EFFICIENCY

  • SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERTS SAY

  • SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN

  • SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

  • STEALS CLOCK, FACES TIME

  • SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

  • TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

  • POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

  • SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

  • DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

  • SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

  • FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

  • IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

  • STUD TIRES OUT

  • PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

  • LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS

  • EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

  • TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

  • REAGAN WINS ON BUDGET, BUT MORE LIES AHEAD

  • SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM


Continued...


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Language Humor

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Funny Correspondence

Part 1


Funny Correspondence

Part 2


Funny Correspondence

Part 3


Funny Correspondence

Part 4


Funny News Headlines

Part 1


Funny News Headlines

Part 3


Funny News Headlines

Part 4


Funny News Headlines

Part 5


Funny News Headlines

Part 6


Funny Resumes


Funny Church Bulletins


Funny Signs - Part 1


Funny Signs - Part 2


Funny Signs - Part 3


Funny Signs - Part 4


Vancouver English Centre